Monday, February 18, 2013

35 should be the new 15...

Soooooo- I turn 35 tomorrow...which is kinda awesome, I guess:) Mostly because I have accomplished more in my 30s so far than all of my twenties (which I guess isn't saying much for that lost decade, aside from the first 2 years of it when I was still in college rocking the varsity soccer gig)! 

Had my 2 kiddos at 29 and 30 and have somehow found my inner "BEASTY" again.  Its fun b/c as I  look back I have countless road races mostly of the  half marathon variety but a few marathons in there as well, a few tough mudders, a couple random silly races and bunch of triathlons and my somewhat newer vegetarian style.  Mind you,  I am not collecting hardware at these races, but it is a reminder that I am still really just 20 in my head w/ a few more crows feet and stretch marks and that I still will really do anything for a tshirt-- seriously, almost anything:) Not saying much for my fashion sense but whatever-- that actually has not changed 1 bit this decade (still non-existent).

So I am grateful that I am still healthy enough to do all this crazy shit, because each year that ticks by you are reminded by losing someone you love that nothing is guaranteed.  But I will say here that its GUARANTEED that if I am able to still work these meaty thighs and my ticker works well that you can bet the farm I will look for ways to continue challenge my physical self.  Mostly b/c its super fun, the funny stories last for YEARS,  and its my favorite kind of a date with Keith,  but the side benefit is that it helps my mental self as well:)  This has come in extremely  handy with my ever mounting work demands.

And I will do whatever I can so my kids think its cool to be healthy and fit-- basically I will do anything so they don't think that "skinny fat" is ever cool and so they don't feel like they have to look at "hollywood" or ESPN for role models- everyone one knows most of those people are "shells" of human beings anyway.

So this upcoming bday also coincides with some soul searching- which is also intriguing b/c I seem to be the person that usually has it all "figured out." I have some absolutely insane stuff going on at work right now.  Obviously I won't go into detail- but the moral of the story is that I am the most competitive person I know, and well others are not and thats a tough one when I am theoretically "in charge" of leading them.  So that has caused some tension-- well a lot of tension and I am left wondering if this is what I really want do.  So I am trying to embrace the possibility of a big change, but yet at the same time trying to figure it out.  One of the things I like about my "core" (and trust me I am NOT talking about the way my abs look-- good grief!) is that I am not afraid to make mistakes and  I am not afraid to fail- which is quite liberating when you work in an environment where you make a lot of decisions all the time.  I am not afraid to go out on a risk curve to try something unique.  What's interesting now though is that I am left wondering how much risk can I take with my 2 tiny humans counting on me....hmmm...tough one...

The great news is that I am super "scrappy" (just another really stellar adjective I use to describe myself)- so I am sure that I can make something happen before something is forced to "happen" TO me.  But it is a unique time b/c quite frankly I have gotten quite comfortable (from a security standpoint)  with my work and to think of possibly recreating a "brand" doing something entirely different, while exhilarating, is a little daunting as well-- which is probably an adjective that I would have NEVER used in my 20s-- so apparently I have used a few more brain cells this decade too- ha ha! Either way, I am sure it will work out-- things always do--

And speaking of working out....had a not so stellar one today...literally fell on my face doing pushups at around the 5th round... which is always HOT. 

I am planning on enjoying my day tomorrow--not entirely sure what I will do.  Keith is away so that's a bummer-  but I am taking our most amazing dog to take his therapy dog "test" tomorrow. We have been going to classes to become a pet therapy team so that is super exciting!   Well I guess I am also being "tested" so hope I can perform on command without treats:) Hmmm... that will be a toughie.  We will go to children's hospitals to do some "cheering up" and also "work" in a few schools to  help support children that are learning how to read.  So we are excited.  Keith is most excited that he gets to wear a "working dog vest"- its the little things really.

I will somehow find time to squeeze that in a few hours/month.  I swear that more stuff I am involved in, the more I am able to stay on task and compartmentalize.  Either that or I have severe ADHD- either way it works I guess and I keep myself entertained with my extra-curriculars.   I am off from work, but have a few things to tie up, but Mia is off from school too so maybe we can figure out a little something fun to do together.  Birthdays are my absolute favorite day b/c they are unique and entirely your own and its how you entered the earth for crying out loud!  My opinion is they should be celebrated for at least a week.  In fact, have celebrated a little each day this past weekend--  we did do something mature and responsible and bought a new couch this weekend which was preceeded by a few skinny margaritas at a tremendous mexican place.  At least I think that's all we bought..... :)

Make it a great week for yourself and thanks for reading/listening:)
The 35 year old DB

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A little of everything...

So it's been a little while since I last wrote...let's just call it what it is...I got caught up in other excuses here, but now I have some good material:) Since I last connected with the blogging planet, we have experienced hurricane Sandy first hand (over 2 weeks w/o any power, heat, etc), a Halloween for the kids that was like an obstacle course in an of itself jumping over down wires in the neighborhood thanks to Ms. Sandy, a bunch of long runs, the Philly half marathon, Mia's first official race, a hip injury for me, Thanksgiving,  craziness at work, a decision to try a little experiment on myself called vegan-paleo, and a partridge in a pear tree!!! Like I said, some decent material has piled up.  So for someone who isn't a great writer, the more meaty the material, the better!

So the whole hurricane thing seems ages ago already, but I will share 3 thoughts on what I learned about myself and my family: 1) I cannot believe how obsessed we are with the internet, its sad, really.  2) I have learned that my kids are incredibly flexible and we had minimal complaining/fighting/whining the entire 2 weeks, despite the fact that they were sleeping in winter coats, literally.  Its amazing b/c you wonder if what values you try to instill in your kids are taking hold.  For me, one of the more important ones to teach them is the ability to be flexible in all situations.  You simply cannot underestimate that one.  To be able to adapt to changing situations with minimal stress and anxiety has the ability to add years to you your life, not to mention making you a pleasant person to be around.  So I saw first had that one has started to stick and that makes me really proud.  In a world where kids are stressed out at age 5 over who knows what, the ability to roll with the punches a bit is cool. And 3) You wonder after being married for a while with little kids, when the days at times seem so transactional,  that if given the chance to sit by a flashlight for hours a night to chat if you would in fact have anything to even say to each other--- SCORE- we do and we did, and it was even entertaining (at least through night 7 anyway).

Fast forward a few weeks to the Philly half marathon- some decent training logged, and I was ready.  More importantly it was Mia's first official bib in a half mile race.  I lied about her age- she was supposed to be 6 to enter, she just turned 5 in October- whatever! Don't judge, I knew she could handle it.  She ran a 4:45 half mile and came in first in her fake age group-- sweet! Most importantly she had a blast, snot running down her nose as she crossed the finish line and all.  She brought that medal to school all week.  As for us, we did well too..Keith came in around 1:45 and I came in under 2.  I had a specific time goal of 1:50- didn't quite make that one, but had a damn hip issue that struck at mile 9.  I won't bore you with those details, but bottom line is I didn't make my goal time.  However, I ran the first 3/4 speedier than ever and felt great and realized after all the Tough Mudders, Civilian Military Combines and triathalons this past year, it was quite nice to simply run a straight race with MUSIC!!! Forgot how amazing it is to run w/ music!!!!  Its the little things, really:) Also forgot how cool the half marathon distance is...must do some more of those in '13.  And final note on that is that I make a KILLER playlist and have clearly missed my calling in the music industry.

So we go to Philly each year for Thanksgiving, its my mom's holiday..steeped in tradition.  My mom was anxious b/c since Keith and I (not the kids) have been vegetarian since last Thanksgiving. She was wondering if she was just going to feed us some seeds and kale and call it a day.  I would never be so annoying and offend her on her holiday...good grief!  Just hand over the smallest piece of turkey you can find, smother it in gravy,  and I can take one for the team, for her, for this holiday.  It was fine and we had a few laughs and I supplemented with plenty of pumpkin pie and vino.  And once again decided that poultry is really just pretty gross all around. The best part of Thanksgiving was that Mia said grace for the table.  At her school they eat lunch family style every day and they say grace before eating.  We had no idea (but glad all of our $$ is not just going to learning the alphabet), but were so surprised to hear her say she wanted to do it.  It was very cool-- a good moment to see her coming into her own.

You may have also been wondering if I have had any other workout wardrobe mishaps (per my last blog post) know, missing sports bra, etc.  I am happy to report NO. But fear not, I have embarrassed myself in other ways at work- details not to be revealed at this time:)

Next up, vegetarian paleo? Yeah saw this little experiment on it- that's all it is really is, is an experiment, b/c its not a "lifestyle" type of thing.  But we are going to dive in and see if we can hang and try for 6-8 weeks.  The main goal will be to see what we really find that we miss and to see what things make us feel really good and healthy and then after its over, maybe adapt a few ideas, but not go crazy.  I am always up for trying new ideas to keep my life interesting and I am not at all afraid to fail, so that makes me quite dangerous!! Stay tuned for updates on that....

In other news, Brayden started Karate.  This is cool for 3 reasons.  1) He needs something that is his own, not influenced by Mia to increase his confidence,  2) what's cuter than a 3.5yr old in an all black karate uniform with belt and all? Ralph Macchio anyone?  and 3) Sometimes, she  just needs her ass kicked and he is just the one to be able to do it when he figures out what the hell he is doing.
Wax on, wax off, little man!

Lastly, in terms of holiday parties and cheer-- how about a holiday party to schedule what races we are going to complete in 2013??? That is super nerdy, I know...but I am ok with it:)  And plus, what's better than registering for races with a few close buddies after a few drinks? That's accountability right way out!!!

As the year comes to a close, I am not going to get all sappy and sentimental.  But I will say that there are lots of things that I am proud of this year, and some that I am not.  But the main goal for me each year is to try and push my limits, physically, mentally.  And if I had to rate it on a scale of 1-10 I would say probably an 8 on the physical end and a 6 on the mental end so overall a 7.  I completed more races this year in a 12month span than I ever have, so that's cool. Some were good performances, some not, but I always came back to know that I can push just a little more to get better. And on challenging myself with new mental skill sets,  I fell a little short, so that is disappointing. But I think I know why and can close those gaps..

  Because that's the other value I hope to instill in my kids- humility.

Signing off in my radio DJ voice....thanks for listening:)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Make it work!

So here is a  little sliver of daily life from the other day....

For those that don't know me incredibly well, I need to keep my sh$t organized : so what that really means is at night I need to have packed lunches for the 2 tiny humans, make sure mia's uniform is all ironed up, have Brayden's clothes out, pack my work bag, pack my lunch bag, and pack my gym bag (if I am not able to get my workout in at 5am due to Keiths travel). All these bags need to be ready to go and basically lined up like a military camp, so that i don't have to think about it in the morning -to minimize the crazy (which there is always a healthy dose of that to go around every morning anyway). Ok so stuff lined up and packed-now I need a final work check of email/vmx to make sure i am not missing anything critical ...which, I have no idea why I think that I would -but it's my anxiety of not knowing....thats about work hour 14 of the day...finally some sleep...zzzzzzzzzz

So the day starts (earlier than I even want to share)-I get ready in a flash with suit, ponytail and a little makeup and off to school the kiddies go by 730 and I am on my way for the day-this particular day Keith was traveling so my workout would have to wait until pm-otherwise I like to get that stuff done at 5am before my body realizes wtf just happened!!!!!

so go through a long day at work-and now it's time To get in a quick run before I get bray from daycare (god, why can't they keep them till like 8???) anyhoo...I know I am on limited time So I show up at equinox and get changed as fast as I can...wishing they had a phone booth outside to change like superman bc it may be I am in the locker room and while i took painstaking detail to ensure I had the best playlist possible, I forgot the minor detail of my sports bra and socks----holy crap!!!


No sports bra for me is a serious predicament for this "D" lightful lady...good grief!!! Wtf??? Oh and I forgot this point I might as well either run in my business suit or just bag it and go get some ice cream:) but NO!!!! If I don't get this speed workout in for the week, I am screwed! So I need to make the best of it and just do it anyway...and I can't spend any more time thinking about it bc I only have so much time to begin with...  sounds glamorous, no????

I decide to go for it and just resign myself to the fact that I will have blisters and my chest ...well...that's just gonna be a hot mess...literally. The good news is that I have several good tunes to take my mind off all of this madness...let's go..

So I decide that I am going to play a game and do a 6mile speed workout as fast as I can....with half and quarter mile repeats.

So about halfway in, my heart rate is 182 (yeah, I remembered my hr monitor but forgot my bra...don't judge me!!!) and I am Getting faster ...but I am thinking that this no sports bra situation is getting more grave by the half mile...

I finally finish the speed workout and my first thought is that I DEFINITELY should have been a DJ bc those tunes were bad ass!!!! My second thought is that ..holy crap...that was my fastest run in a looooong time! And 3rd thought is that i do feel better that I did matter what my blistered, chaffed areas may be saying:)

Point being...there were lots of things working against me here- and after a long day of dealing with bs at work-a wardrobe malfunction was the last thing i needed...

BUT...I HAD to get this run in, and you do what you need to do to ensure it gets completed....there were 100 reasons why i could have decided to turn around and go home....but only 1 important one why I should stay and finish it...

And what I learned about myself was that the 1 is all I need:):):)

And after picking up the kids I realized that I was grateful for having done it bc my endorphins kicked in and I wasn't as nearly as annoyed as I usually am with the kids' whininess at dinner....
I say -good for them!!!!

So while there are sooooo many variables in a day...make and plan the time to do whatever exercise you love to do for at least a little while each matter what.. because in reality, the only "bad" workout is the one you choose NOT to do.  You will surprise yourself with what you can actually get done in a day...that is a promise.

 And trust me, I have enough guilt in my life, I don't need to know that I made a conscious decision to skip the workout for the day!! As an Italian, I think that is why I have so many Jewish friends- so much in common-- LOT OF FOOD, LOT OF GUILT:)

Monday, October 8, 2012

My 2 favorite girls...

So with this whole blog undertaking, I promised myself that I wouldn't be annoying to others with it, and post something every day, but today was pretty special and I had a chance to reflect a bit and thought I would share. 

Today is October 8th-  and that means that my daughter Mia turned 5 today and that also means that my best friend Lauren would have turned 36 today also.  She passed away last September from colon cancer.  And I know that stories like this one are not entirely unique, which sucks, because everyone has a story about how cancer stole someone important from them, but behind every statistic is a small army of people that don't care about all the numbers and the stats- they care that someone was taken that was entirely too important to be pulled away. Lauren was "my person" (for those Greys Anatomy fans).  So without getting into all the details, she was an inspiration to anyone who met her and for those of us lucky enough to be close to her- she was a beam of light all the time.  Not to mention that she was completely BAD ASS when it came to ANYTHING athletic- breaking swimming records left and right, 3hour marathons, Ironmans- name it- she did it and took names every time! So while 3 weeks ago we mourned her 1 year passing, TODAY I wanted to make sure I celebrated her along with Mia. 

So the morning began with a run- I put on her "Oregon track" tshirt she had given me, loaded up the ipod with some of her favorite music- Sugerland, etc- laced up the boots and off I went...I decided that instead of planning the exact distance, I would have 2 rules for the day:  I would simply run as long as my playlist and to make sure I ran the 2nd half faster than the first- (and I did have more than 3 songs just in case any of you are wondering!).  Its funny because I see a lot of people post their race or training times etc on their blog, or facebook page but its just not for me.  Nothing against them, but really, its all relative to the individual.  Don't get me wrong, I track all the shit like a nut.  Believe me, I remember my race times like I remember my college GPA, my SAT scores and my mortgage rate- thats stuff you just don't forget! But its not really important for THIS.

  I ran a route that I hadn't run since we ran it together about a month before she died (and ps- she cleaned the floor with me that day too- in case you were wondering). I hadn't run it since because for some reason I thought not running it would make me less sad- that was dumb b/c It actually felt great to be in this place- I swear I could hear us bantering back and forth, making fun of people who we saw running with all the "gear" (you know what i mean- enough water bottles around their waist for a month in a dessert and they are out for a 3mile run) and thinking about what we would eat when we were finished- it really always revolved around what food product we would reward ourselves with.  When I was battling some hills, I imagined a rope around my waist with her pulling me up, but also yelling at me for not moving my fat ass fast enough.  Aside from trying to run my best, I spent the time thinking about all the fun we had and all the dumb shit we used to do like wash down a 10mile run with a nerd rope and diet coke-- I mean,  for nutrition majors at NYU, we were really setting the bar low. But make no mistake, we were ALWAYS competing- even if we would seem super casual or cavalier about it on the surface- that was part of the fun! Not letting other people know how serious we were about it on the inside:)  So I finished the run, super sweaty, 2 rules/goals (turned out to be by longest run in recent memory) above accomplished as was left happy that I would  celebrate the life of 2 amazing people on THIS day especially. And I would in fact wash all the hard work away with my weight in chips and salsa and some trashy candy, because sometimes, that is just fun. 

But in the end, it just reminded me of how little time we actually do have with the people we love. It really sucks and  Its super cliche, but its true and I don't know if I can ever be reminded of that enough- because I am the queen of letting all the other stuff take over my day, week, month- whatever.

Which brings me back to Mia- when I got home, I wanted to make sure that she knew how she has made more of me in 5 years, than I had made of myself in the 29 before that.  And that I am so proud of the little quiet confident girl she is becoming. And that I will try to be less annoying with my work phone calls at dinner and at night.  Its not easy, right? Work is important and so is this, and it seems so easy to always prioritize the PEOPLE we love, but it isn't.  At least for me it isn't and I am not too proud to say it.  So I  need constant reminders.  She talks about Lauren all the time- because I always tell her how lucky she is to have the same bday as Lauren- she knows she is in heaven too and asks if Lauren is watching her at her soccer game or at dance. She also always asks if she can do more pushups than Lauren could- which is weird b/c its so random...  It makes me smile because I know she is watching. If Mia turns out half as good as Lauren, I will have done alright:) 

So we topped off the night with making cupcakes for school tomorrow.  Her first time- and MINE TOO because I am such a culinary genius that I have never even made freaking cupcakes-- seriously, that is BAD. But it is kinda funny.  And in case you cared, we had a little competition of whose looked better overall, with icing and sprinkles- she had 12 to do and I had 12- guess who won? I am sure its no surprise that I got beat by a 5 year old.  I just thank god that we are not in the same age group for triathalons and races-- that would be REALLY embarrassing.  Because having your kid bake better than you is not embarrassing at all:)

So CHEERS to my 2 favorite ladies- Happy Birthday:) 10.8.2012

Who would have thought my 2 favorite girls in the world would share the same special day?

Saturday, October 6, 2012

First time for everything....

Soooooo- this is my first time writing in my fresh new space...kinda feels like I am back in high school going to the prom for the first know...lots of expectations that typically fall apart...
So pay no attention to any grammatical errors  you see....remember this is for entertainment purposes...

So I will begin with my day....  With all the stuff going on at work all the time, my workouts typically happen at odd hours- but they are really important to me, so whatever time it is, it is...
I organized to meet a friend of mine for an early saturday am run...and by early, I mean about 515am- did I mention on a saturday morning? But whatever- i needed to get  in a long run and was not about to take any time away from the tiny humans- especially since its Mia's 5th bday weekend-- so 5am it was. Not that unusual for me, but after a long week-- the SATURDAY 5am in theory was super annoying.... but low and behold- i got it completed before my body actually knew what the f**k happened-- which just reinforced for me once again as to why I like to do this at the crack of dawn-- before I realize I am tired, sore, bored, whatever--- its already done!  So it was an enjoyable time with a friend and we kicked our own asses-- good way to begin the weekend:) CHECK. 
I have this half marathon in a few weeks and typically I would go out and just do the 13 on race day, no problem after only minimal "training"- but for some reason I am obsessed with running this one FASTER-- and probably part of the reason is that I have been running like sh*t all summer and I am sick and quite frankly tired of underperforming this many times in a row...its annoying.  So anyhoo..that is why I am on a mission-- I need to prove to myself that I can still kick the speed into gear a bit.  Which is interesting b/c I am probably more fit overall than I have been since I was 20, but these last few months have been plaguing me with the "just not good enough" race times I have had in the civilian military combine, tough mudder, and 4 triathalons I completed this summer- so again- ANNOYING.  

In other more important news-- my kid turns 5 on Monday....seriously???? I cannot believe that its been that long-- I certainly have more crows feet and some stretch marks to prove it actually happened- but the cliche is true-- and I won't repeat it, but you know what it is...
and I am quite proud to say that for 5 years strong- I have avoided the annoying-20kid-bday party.  In fact- we have had less than 10 people at her bday each year so far-- just family and 1-2 friends.  Its awesome actually- because in long island- bday parties are king and everyone competes for who had the best "goodie bag" or best entertainment at the party-- I say...who cares!!! They are kids-- how about a slice, a scoop of vanilla and see ya at school!!! The bday party thing is out of control here but I will save that rant for another day.... regardless- she will have a spectacularly special day and I dont need 15 other kids to give it to her. And I am so proud of the little lady she is becoming:)

 Each day that goes by I just hope that I am teaching her how to be a good, kind human being--- that is during the moments that I am not  guilt ridden for missing stuff all the time thanks to work-- but I also hope that it shows her that working really hard and trying your best all the time matters- and makes a difference..and your job is important so you better give it all you have and be lucky to have it. And despite lots of people's opinion- I am convinced that you simply cannot have it all in this crazy doesn't exist--so I sleep better at night knowing that I am not chasing some dream that I am just a little short of reaching each night....I lay down knowing that I did all I could for that given day..and that is a hell of a lot more than I sleep pretty well...

....alright...and that brings my first official blog to a close....disjointed, probably.